Born in 1946 and brought up in Cupar, Fife, I was educated at the local school - The physical heart of our institution lies in the Garden Lobby. You pass through it many times a day as you travel from one place to another. And it contains the one indispensable person in the building – Kirsty – our award-winning dispenser of caffeine.
Presently it is busy with stalls to provide information to new members, show them how our computer systems work, even to teach our monoglots a little Gaelic with which to greet visitors.
But our one universal need is to be able to articulate our constituents' concerns in Parliamentary debate and in committee. During the election, we all stood shoulder to shoulder with our agents, spouses, families and others, receiving a constant stream of advice which sculpted our discourse with electors.
When we stand to speak in Parliament, we stand alone. By our own efforts as we speak shall our colleagues – in all political parties – form a view of our capabilities. And decide how they will work with us, if at all.
The queue to make a maiden speech will not be exhausted any time soon.
So how to how to make an impression? A good impression. A lasting impression.
Humour helps. Former Tory member Bill Aitken got very frustrated with me in a debate and intervened to say, “Mr Stevenson is a very special person; he can trace his ancestry all the way back to his mother”. We all laughed – including me – and his frustration was on the Parliamentary record in memorable form.
In November last, my colleague Kevin Stewart produced a ten word contribution that captured his whole anti-nuclear weapons position, “teachers before Trident, nurses before nukes or bairns before bombs”.
It used all three rhetorical tricks that turn mere words into a speech to remember, to grab attention.
It seems that the human brain likes threes (triples). We can remember in threes. Not two ideas – less engaging. Not four ideas – too much for our short term memory.
And we capture the debate by putting competing options close against each other, “nurses not nukes”, and in an order that advances ones' argument (antithesis).
Our new Presiding Officer, Ken McIntosh – an excellent choice – the first from the Labour benches, will be watching and advising our new brood as they launch themselves on their careers.
Reeling them in if they step beyond acceptable language, controlling the length of their speeches.
Typically they will get 6 minutes – that's 786 words for me – and the “chop” if they are much over that.
So the very old advice is the best – stand up, speak up, shut up.
And if you don't have much to say, don't say it.
